couple in snow

Is Your Relationship Providing You with Fulfillment or Challenges?


It is your relationships that provide you with the platform for spiritual and conscious development, and personal growth. Choosing to live your life with conscious awareness is self-love.

Isn’t what we are all looking for in our love relationship is to be seen and accepted for who we are, our beliefs and how we see the world? Aren’t we all a work in progress?

Most importantly this journey is about loving and accepting ourselves….certainly a life’s work. When we select someone, we really are selecting a person with behaviours that we think we can live with and so are they. We want the freedom to express who we are, to say what is true for us and share how we feel.

Before growth, we look to outside sources to make us feel happy. “Is this the person who can make me happy?” In the beginning when both of you are focusing on the other’s needs, it does feel like they are making us happy.

When the focus turns back toward work and life, usually after three months, referred by some as “the real world”, some of that happiness may dissipate. We experience triggers–a reaction to something someone does that we feel jeopardizes our happiness. These are not about the other person. Triggers give you the opportunity of healing an issue for you.

Life is the mirror reflecting back to you the energy you are putting out in the world. When you heal those issues, you will no longer be triggered. The love, validation and acceptance we are seeking needs to come from within us.

Here are some facts:

  • Two thirds of what couples fight about are individual, personality perspective differences, and are irreconcilable, unless you know your couple personality dynamics.
  • Unless you have educated yourselves about relationships by attending courses, reading books, etc. you will base your relationship skills on what you observed from your parents. How many of you want a relationship just like your parents? They did the best they could with the information they had available to them at the time. We have access to unlimited relationship data.
  • Divorce rates are extremely high and for those who are still married, at least 25% are not happy.
  • To have a healthy relationship, you must first be healthy within yourself and have done your own self growth.

What Typically Happens?

Unfortunately, even if we love our partner, we get triggered from an unhealed issue, or frustrations have built up.

What we are fighting about is not usually what we are fighting about but rather a symptom of what is upsetting us.

It takes personality pattern awareness to understand the deeper issues. Also, generally, conflict arises when you both want your needs met at the same time or are less willing to respond to your partner in that moment. Tensions arise, old feelings and issues emerge, and for the most part couples do not have the skills or insights to resolve them.

Both become frustrated, angry, can pull apart, and shut down. When this happens we often defend our stance, become righteous and feel justified in reacting the way we are reacting. We may attack the other person and blame them or feel we are being attacked or blamed. Old survival patterns arise for defending ourselves.

Both feel hurt, blamed, and frustrated. And disconnection occurs. If this continues for a long period of time or this is a reoccurring pattern, it can do real damage to the relationship in the long term. Issues and frustration builds up and breaks the connection, dissolving loving feelings and shuts down our hearts.

Your Enneagram (any-a-gram) Couple Dynamics

When You Know Your Enneagram (any-a-gram) Couple Dynamics you will understand the reaction patterns and what might be triggering this reaction. Then it is not as personal to you. You will recognize that it is long, ingrained pattern of reacting unconsciously. That helps us to stay present, supportive, and connected.

Couples learn new skills and techniques to stop dysfunctional patterns, to being able to speak up with how you are feeling, and resolve issues more lovingly. You learn to have a response-ability…know that you can change how you are responding, learn how to create a loving space to process feelings and issues which will also heal those old, deep wounds.

Awareness Can Shift Everything!

Awareness of both your personality patterns creates a common ground of knowledge in order to face your challenges together and solve issues. Both of you will be aware of what is triggering the issues so you can compassionately relate to each other.

With this knowledge, recognizing that this is a pattern will make you aware that you have a choice to change how and why you are reacting. The power of the Enneagram is that for each personality it will show you specifically what patterns to change. You have the choice to do your own internal work in order to become your Best Self.

Unconsciousness and resistance keeps you stuck…and also your relationships. Consciousness empowers you to do your own healing.

So once you understand your couple personality dynamics, you will be able to thrive and feel fulfilled in your loving relationships. Both needs matter and when you make your partner’s emotional needs as important as yours…then you create a conscious, connected, and loving relationship.

What Is This Enneagram Anyway?

The Enneagram is an ancient body of wisdom that holds the key to unlocking true understanding of the depth of our being and other people, in a kind and compassionate way. It simplifies our lives by helping us understand why we do what we do.

The Enneagram is an awareness map of consciousness that illuminates the nine ways of being in the world, and gives deep insight into nine fundamentally different personality perspectives, each with their own way of seeing the world, their own attitudes and ways of thinking, reacting and behaving.

When we understand the 9 personality perspectives, the patterns of our lives finally make sense, we experience profound self-acceptance and clarity of purpose, and discover how to live through positivity and find lasting personal fulfillment.

I am passionate about helping people live a happier and more fulfilling life. Check out my website and start by taking the Fun Free Quiz.

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